Building a Happy, Healthy Family at Home

What a joy it is to feel harmony in our home! Striving to build a happy, healthy family at home is a very important endeavor, and the rewards are great for those who make it a priority. Families provide each of us with a sense that we belong, and our families contribute to our individual identity.

A healthy family structure can provide the emotional support to nurture and instill a sense of security in all of us. Relationships that we share in the family also allow us to develop the morals and basic values that we carry throughout our lives. This is why it’s so very important that we each strive to have the goal of building a happy, healthy family at home.

Building solid relationships within the family is absolutely essential for the success of each individual in the family – whether young or old.

4 Elements of a Strong Family Bond

All too often you hear stories of dysfunctional families who have multiple problems and just don’t know how to function or communicate with each other. Surely this is not a scenario you imagined when you started your family! Rather than risk that path in life, here are some tips for developing a strong family bond:

• Respect your family members. When it comes to family members, respect should be issued right from the beginning, even if it has yet to be earned. At the same time, it’s also important that you work to earn the respect of other members of the family.

Respect is simply the process of placing value in the other people who make up your family.

• Enjoy shared experiences together. The old saying, “A family who plays together stays together,” is very relevant in today’s world. Sharing experiences helps to build respect. It also enables you to learn more about the people that you share a home with so you can discover their likes, dislikes, and the things that make them thrive from day to day.

Families should work hard to ensure that they make time to spend with each other – both as a unit and with each other on a one-to-one basis.

• Trust your family. It’s been said that trust is a requirement for all fulfilling relationships, whether in your personal life, social life, or professional life. When you have respect for an individual and spend enough time with them to know their needs and desires, a mutual trust grows naturally.

Trust is necessary to have open and honest relationships in the family.

• Learn to give as well as take. Successful families know and understand the importance of the “two-way street” that should exist within the family structure. When every family member understands this, you will all enjoy working and playing together.

Tips to Build Healthy Relationships with Your Stepchildren.

When you’ve married someone who already has children, you’ve surely realized that it can be a challenge to build healthy relationships with your stepchildren. The stepparent is in a difficult position in the new, blended family. 

Apply these tips, and you’ll find that having a healthy, caring relationship with your stepchildren is truly attainable. 

• Take time to get to know your stepchildren. Spend 30 minutes of time daily listening to them talk about their day or subjects that interest them.
• Accept the fact your stepchildren may feel hurt and angry. Don’t misinterpret their feelings as a personal affront against you as they would react the same way with whomever their parent married.
• Avoid getting angry because of your stepchildren’s actions.  Remember: You’re the adult. You can handle any reaction your stepchildren might have. Remind yourself that they’re dealing with an emotionally painful situation – the realization their parents will no longer be together.
• In your mind, give your stepchild a “clean slate” each day. In other words, every day, you have the opportunity to start fresh and positively affect your relationship with your stepchild.
• Make an effort to share in activities your stepchildren enjoy. If they like to play video games, play those games with them for a few minutes daily. If they enjoy reading, inquire about their favourite author and then read a couple of the books. These behaviors demonstrate caring and consideration toward them.
• If you don’t get positive results right away, keep trying. You are, in fact, hoping to build a deep, enduring relationship with your stepchildren. Therefore, perseverance is an important key to achieving the success you seek.
• Show patience with your step children.  It will help them see that nothing they do will deter you from your efforts to build a healthy relationship with them.

Work hard to use patience, perseverance, and understanding to build a strong relationship with your stepchildren. You, and your new family, will benefit greatly from your efforts!

Here are a few more tips to help you build that strong relationship:

• Build a friendship. It isn’t unusual for a step parent to accept the role of being a friend to his or her stepchild.
• Give them some space
• Share their enthusiasm
• Recognize everyone’s role
• Leave the discipline to the biological parent
• Be a family
• Laugh a lot

The Do’s and Don’ts of Step parent Discipline…

• DO keep talking with your spouse
• DON’T start with too many changes
• DO set up a base level of respect
• DON’T be the disciplinarian
• DO get to know your stepchild
• DON’T be a pushover
• DO realize that stepchildren will test you
• DON’T take everything personally

5 Things a step parent should never do:

Don’t bad-mouth the biological parent. Whatever it is you are feeling and thinking, don’t mention it. Your stepchild has the right to love his or her parents — even if you see them as imperfect. It’s also simply not your place to get involved in disputes between the biological parents. Voicing your disapproval for the other parent’s actions will make the child feel as though he or she has to choose between you and the biological parent. Make it clear to the child that the relationship he or she has with his or her biological parent does not have to change just because you are present in his or her life. 

Don’t be a replacement parent. No matter how bad the biological parent’s behaviors, you aren’t supposed to take their place, or even try. It could lead to big-time resentment. Don’t try to replace your stepchild’s biological parent. Be there as a support system, role model, mentor and caring ear

Don’t play favourites. Step or not, a child is a child and shouldn’t have to face the fact that he or she may not be your favorite person. If you do have your own children, try not to show blatant favoritism to them. Chances are you are never going to feel the same way about your stepchild as you do your own children. Kids know this on some level, but they do not need to see it blatantly played out in front of them, which can wreak serious havoc on self-esteem and set up an antagonistic relationship between bio kids and your stepchild.

Don’t expect things to be perfect. When you and your stepchild’s parent signed a marriage certificate, it didn’t flip a magical switch that would create a lovely family dynamic in your home. Sure, it would be nice if that were the case, it simply isn’t. Expect some rough patches and wait for the love to develop over time. Don’t expect (the step-kids) to love — or even like — you. They must treat you as kindly and respectfully as they would any other acquaintance or friend of the family. You are going to be around for the rest of their lives, so they have plenty of time to get to know you. You could grow on them.

Feeling jealous when your spouse and his/her children want some one-on-one time. It is important for your spouse and the kids to know they can still have “alone” time without you and that you are okay with that. Many children whose parents are in new relationships feel insecure and might think their parent loves their new spouse more than they love them. It is important for the kids to have a close bond with both parents. It could become a significant family problem if you, as the step parent, have a problem because of that.

Every family member should know and understand their role and work to give and take on an equal basis.

Should you currently have discord and contention in your family, you might think it’s too late to rectify the situation. However, by taking positive steps to make changes as a whole family, you can start to rebuild your trust and respect.

One parent alone can’t make these changes by themselves. Open communication is critical so the entire family can understand what the current problems are and how to fix them. You may meet some resistance, focusing on peace and harmony in the home should motivate even the most stubborn child. Once your family members get a taste of the happiness and security that a loving family brings to them, they won’t want to live any other way!

It’s never too late to start building a happy family.